May 3, 2020
Time for a brutally honest and vulnerable life update. Iâm usually very private about my life experiences, but this community has always felt like a safe space to share my struggles and successes. Iâve been away from this community and health in general this past year. I come from an extremely toxic and abusive home life and was juggling that healing with trying to move away for university last year. I got really sick when I was away at school and my health (mental, physical, and emotional) all began to spiral despite my best efforts. In truth, I have struggled with body dysmoprhia and healthy food habits since I was a child (insert childhood trauma here lmao). While I was active as a kid and as a teenager and ate healthy, I obssesed over my figure becauce I am built curvy. At my healthiest, I was not enough for myself. I was hitting the gym twice a day everyday and convincing myself that eating little to no calories a day was good for me because what I was eating was healthy. If I so much as ate a cheat meal, I would guilt myself for weeks after. While these last two years have been some of the worst of my life, they have made me stop and ask myself what health really means. Iâve been able to pinpoint these nevative habits I have and instead focus on healthy choices regardless of what the reflection or the number on the scale looks like. Iâve gone from not wanting to get out of bed in the morning to waking up early to get in a mile run. Not because I have to, but because I enjoy it. This to me is a health transformation! Iâm proud to say that I am now embarking on month 3 of my fitness journey. All clean eating and exercising 3 times a week on top of attending school AND working shifts at the hopsital during this pandemic. But most importantly, clean thinking. Talking to myself kindly and appreciating my body for what it can do. I say all of this to say that your journey is yours and no one elseâs. And if you arenât already, be a little kinder to yourself. All those insecurities only have the power you give to them. Whether youâve just started working toward your goal, arenât where you want to be, or are almost there: take a moment to stop and be proud of all the work youâve put in. Each healthy choice is a choice to be celebrated and proud of!